Beth Ditto for Evans Launch aka I taught Kate Moss how to do Donut Hands

So the other day I wrote a post about the circus surrounding our beloved Beth Ditto and tonight I got a chance to see it up close at the launch of her Evans clothes collection in London.

The launch was held at Sketch. Look at the evil Flash-heavy website only if you have an hour to spend working out the navigation and waiting for the pages to load. Short version of the venue: ugly statue of dogs fucking, hideous seats made of egg-boxes, egg-shaped pods with toilets inside, no air conditioning, dull drinks menu, mini hamburgers, lots of paparazzi outside. Even shorter version: a monument to 21st century celebrity culture. Miraculously we got inside. I always think I'm going to get turned away, even when I know I'm on The List. Everyone was friendly and welcoming in a they're-paid-to-be-nice kind of way.

My girlfriend, Kay 'Butch Husky' Hyatt, and I wore our Chubster colours, our gang jackets. The first twenty minutes were spent standing, posing, having our picture taken, trying to snag vegetarian party food and drinking free booze. We watched people arrive. How to describe the punters? Club kids, mostly young, pretty girls in dresses, kind of straight-looking, gaymo lads, Nathan/Brace lookalikes, very few fat people, industry people. Then Kate Moss arrived with her entourage. It was like royalty entering the room, they moved in slow motion, like a procession, everybody's eyes were on them as they were ushered to sit in an empty corner of the room that was instantly cordoned-off.

Kay suggested we make a beeline for the karaoke room and our lovely pals, including Gina, Ana and Shirley from The Raincoats, Naz from The London Lesbian and Gay Film Festival and Tamsin and Ruth of Unskinny Bop, came along too. Smart move! It was empty at this stage, so we did what anyone would do and started singing. Ruth and I embraced the moment and sang Standing In The Way of Control, The Gossip's breakthough hit. Well, you would, wouldn't you?

The oddball and sadly departed writer Spalding Gray coined the idea of a Perfect Moment, a moment when nothing can be bettered, when you are in that moment completely. My perfect moment came when Kate Moss and entourage came in, cheered us on singing, admired our outfits and the party really started. Kay invited the most famous model in the world to join The Chubsters and Kate patted her tummy and said that she probably should. I showed her how to do donut hands. Kate Moss did donut hands and we flashed the 'nut at each other. Life is good.

Kate was hanging out with Philip Green. He mooched around. He is incredibly tanned. He had his own wine waiter and a special large wine glass. He reeked of power. His fortune has been built on sweatshops. People gravitated around him. He seemed really into the fatties in the corner, ie us, though he didn't say anything and we didn't say anything back. He tried to take the mics away from Naz and Ruth as they sang Listen Up but Beth stopped him. Kay overheard him tell Kate: "Those jackets they're wearing, very good, we must have some of those: Chub Busters." People, this is wrong in so many ways.

Some guy sang a horrid version of Life On Mars and everyone applauded as though it was the most fantastic thing ever. I much preferred Kate and Beth's version of Space Oddity, with Kay sandwiched between them, and Beth and Naz doing Hold On by Wilson Phillips. They were very cute together.

It was very sweaty in that room. People were straining to get in. Hannah and Nathan from the band were there too. It was weird being on the right (wrong?) side of the VIP cordon. I went out for a pee and came back to see Simon Cowell standing stiffly at the back. His hair is very neat and stiff, his shirt was open low, a medallion would have completed the look.

I haven't said anything about the clothes. There was no catwalk show or anything, just a rail and some goodie bags. The only other fatties there had been (hired?) to wear the clothes and be a part of the party. Beth wore the domino print dress and leggings and looked fantastic. I believe they're going to hit the shops next week.

It's weird thinking about the night, it was a pure celebrity experience, and therefore an evening that seemed to epitomise popular culture, it was like a cliché because it came complete with wanker hangers-on, famous people dabbing their noses, people desperate to be with the cool kids, even more desperate people outside trying to get in, photographers, people as commodities, wealth and power all rolled together. It was incredibly alluring and exciting to witness all this, like being the chosen ones in the spotlight for a moment, but it was disconcerting too, this is not my world, nor do I want it to be, though it's amazingly interesting to visit for an evening. As we left I was convinced the cool stuff was going on elsewhere, behind some other velvet rope.

I'm not really sure what I was doing there, other than to support and love Beth, and be with my friends, maybe that's all I need to do. I don't know what it means to be a fat queer in that context, but there was a feeling that we were representing our people in some indefinable way. Fat queers deserve to be part of things, we are pop culture. Tomorrow I'll go back to painting the skirting boards in my house, thinking about work, and tonight will feel like a dream.

Kay and I took the train home and talked to a sweet old guy who helped build London Fields Lido, where we swam this morning. There was a guy in tiny little Superman pants in the carriage making everyone laugh with his pretend pole-dancing.

Magical/weird night.

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